Fuck Yeah Love! // Date Someone Who Dares

So after reading this, and this, and this, I just had to write. I haven’t written for awhile, and I don’t really know if essays are my strong suit, but I gave it a shot. :)

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Date someone who dares. You will know them when they appear. They will be that initially quiet person at the party of your mutual friend. That person, who as it progresses, will be slowly surrounded by a group of people, people who whether scowling or smiling, are listening intently to their every word. Join them, listen to their views, their knowledge, their dreams, and then share your own. Even better, argue with them. Tell them why your views are correct, why their stance on homosexual marriage or the censorship of the internet is flawed. Watch as they smile, not condescendingly, but in genuine enjoyment of your verbal sparring. Let them acknowledge their defeat, however playfully, because it takes guts to lose in front of others.

Date a person who dares. They are the ones who always stand a little apart from others, not because they are uncomfortable, but because they are just as comfortable listening as they are speaking. They are the ones who will listen and smile, and make every effort to look you in the eyes as you talk. They are the ones who still wear jeans worn to the point you can see skin, not because it’s fashionable, just because their old jeans are comfortable.

He is the man who smiles at the stressed waitress in Starbucks and tells her “not to worry” and “take your time” and “now that I see it, I realise I did want whipped cream.” She is the girl who quickly drops to one knee to help the stranger in the mall pick up their dropped cell-phone. Walk up to them; tell them you saw what they did and that you think it was incredibly kind, or sweet, or noble. They will laugh and wave a hand and tell you it was nothing, just something their mama taught them. Tell them anyway.

Ask them their name, but offer yours first. Invite them to lunch.

Ask them who their heroes are. If it is Spiderman, feel free to laugh, but don’t forget to ask why. Ask them what choice they would have made if they had been Achilles on the eve of the Trojan War. See what kind of leader they think Leonidas was.

It will not always be easy to date someone who dares. Amidst their daring to dream, and maybe due to the courage they employ to be who they want to be, they will say things that are better left unsaid. They will dare to tread ground in your arguments that you consider heartless. They will also be the first to apologise because they are brave enough to acknowledge they were wrong. Not always about the argument, but maybe about their method to it. Know that their perpetual hunger for more is not due to discontent but drive. Let it slide when they try to push you to “be better.” It’s not because you aren’t good enough, it’s simply what they’ve done to themselves all their lives.

You will find that they are not strong all the way through. In fact, fear looms over their every choice. But like the lisp that the orator extends his brilliance to overcome, it simply pushes them harder. Still, there are times when they will be weak, when the everyday pains they casually brush aside will overwhelm them. They will need you then.

They are always the first to profess their undying love and the last to give it up. It may take them awhile to lay it out there but they will, because they understand that no great prize is won without risk. You will want to believe them because of intensity with which they promise it, and you can. To one who dares, “I love you forever” is more than a promise, it is a determination.

You will lose friends because of them. Their personalities are forceful and will rub some of these friends of yours the wrong way. They will tell you that those were not true friends and you are better off without them, and they will be right. Yet in the same breath they will pine for their own lost friendships, humour them, but take what they say with a pinch of salt. They dare to walk their own way, but they are not always right.

Date someone who dares, because they are unbound by the fetters of societal expectations. They will hold the door for you, or pull out your chair, without giving a damn that it is “old fashioned.” They will be as comfortable holding your hand as they are walking apart, because they are secure in the knowledge that physicality is only one expression of love.

When the proposal comes it will most probably be both exhilarating and incredibly embarrassing. It will have taken so long because to them, dinner on the eighty-second floor and a ring in a champagne glass are too cliché. It would not be enough to simply tell you, they must tell the world, because who else would dare? They will drag you to the top of Everest on a “soul searching” quest and yell it to the cosmos. And if you say no? Be prepared to do it all again.

They will hold you when you are afraid and be with you until it is okay. They will stay strong through it all, not because they are unafraid, but because they understand fear better than anyone. They will have all the right words, not because they are more insightful than anyone else, but because they know the words they craved the most in their own terror. They share burdens as well as joys knowing that the two go hand in hand.

So date someone who dares, the passion that defines you will lend your arguments a certain volatility, but you will never lack the courage to mend your fences.

Date someone who dares, and learn together what courage really is.